The 5 things I know about myself (part two)

Here is my continuation of my journey of self discovery that I began sharing yesterday.

4. I am a leader, like it or not

Ever since I can remember, I have been naturally elevated into leadership roles. These have usually not been my intent or my pursuit. Rather, it has been my peers or my superiors who have lifted me up and assigned such leadership roles to me. A wise man once said to me that I was a natural leader not because I had specific qualities or went out of my way to lead people. Rather, he said I was leader because people simply followed what I did without me or anyone else telling them to do so. God has granted me a degree of favor in people’s eyes, even strangers, that they view me as wise and my thoughts worthy of consideration. Even strangers often feel comfortable approaching me and asking for my input. I’m not a leader because I try to be. I’m a leader because people follow me.

I don’t always like this about myself. Leaders are always watched and under careful scrutiny. Sometimes I don’t want this pressure or this burden. I don’t always want to be responsible for leading people. I am often afraid that the people who follow my example will also follow the stupid and silly things I have done. I’m afraid that by attempting to follow my successes, they’ll also follow my failures. I’m afraid that, by following me, they’ll actually be worse off than they were to begin with.

Nevertheless, people continue to see me as a leader, they continue to elevate me such positions and they continue to follow me, even when I don’t want them to. Despite my fear, I’ve learned to generally accept this about myself. It is and shall continue to be a fact of my life.

5. I am an artist

I remember my kindergarten teacher describing my classroom behavior to my mom. She said I was rowdy, loud, and unruly. It was difficult to get my attention. I chewed all my erasers, my pencils, and my crayons. I would’ve been the poster child for ADHD if that disease had been invented when I was in kindergarten. However my kindergarten teacher and every teacher after that described me as intelligent, bright, and extremely creative. I remember in 1st grade, I would often finish my work or my test far before the other kids in class. My teacher decided to start letting me draw freely once I was done. All I needed was a blank sheet of paper. That would become the outlet for my imagination. My teacher found that my attention span was much longer and I behaved better when she would allow me room to create.

My life has been closely tied to the arts even before I was born. My mom was a talented actress and singer when she was in school. My dad was, and still is, a successful and highly accomplished professional musician. I grew up to the sounds of The Beatles, Cold Chisel, Yes, Bruce Hornsby, Tears for Fears, and others. Spending an evening listening to a High Fidelity CD on studio monitors was common place for me. At an early age I sang and danced which I explored more in middle school. I also began to act and study theatre in middle school. By high school, I had roles in every main stage play in school in addition to playing regular gigs with my band. I studied music theory and creative writing. In addition to writing songs, poetry and short stories, I also began to write and direct my own plays before I graduated.

I have always been and shall ever been an artist.

I really haven’t changed much since I was a boy. I’m still stir crazy and I require a regular outlet to my creativity in order to feel satisfied and happy, hence my personal challenge to write more often. Thanks for reading.

Know anything you’d like to add? Let me know in the comments!

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